Here is my daughter many years ago, she is now a beautiful 21 years old. I have lost her forever. I have loved her more than life, deeply, with everything I have to give, from the depths of my soul. I wish I could stop loving her. She has hurt and betrayed me beyond belief.My son is now 22 years old. I will love him forever ~ he has been the most incredible, interesting, intelligent, wonderful son any mother could have wished for. 1 year ago he betrayed me as well; I really do not understand this. I do not know why they are the way they are. I have my theories but they will not give me any opportunity to discuss these issues and heal this family . I can honestly say that I have done everything possible to love them, to show them love and raise them well. This is where the betrayal fits in. My son is now gone, lost from my life forever as well. The betrayal of the love and devotion I gave them is a constant, heavy, dragging force to reckon with. I can describe it as an endless, stinging slap in the face, a knife piercing through my heart. It goes to prove I must be unlovable.... I can still give love so easily and still have alot of love to give yet.... I never have never felt this love to be returned...this fact may eventually lead me into a dark, darker, the darkest place...feels like I am there already...for now I do have my precious 16 year old dog, she does love me. I will not have her for much longer. Looking for a kindred spirit. Just wondering if anyone else is having these issues, feelings, thoughts...
The betrayal from both of them tears away my inner spirit, it has created an empty shell of a once vibrant, loving woman. Once a happy mother, now a piece of nothingness, a bottomless pit of grief and despair.
I now go about life with a deep, dark sadness that penetrates my existence. I do not want to use antidepressants. There is no one, I am alone with this grief and utter despair. My only rationale is that I am indeed unlovable, I was born unlovable. Some of us are just born this way....
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